Fantasizing About Food

Fantasizing About Food

All I want for Mother’s Day is a live-in personal chef.

That’s it. Forget the flowers. Skip the chocolates. And definitely don’t bring me breakfast in bed (all those crumbs in my sheets…ugh.) All I want is someone who will take care of the grocery shopping, meal planning, and food preparation. Because I’m done. Seriously, done. There are just not enough hours in a day.

In our household, spring sports season is the worst. Baseball three times a week, soccer twice, plus youth group and physio appointments and on and on and on. I made it extra fun this year by starting a new full-time job (!) so Chris and I basically pass each other in the garage as we chauffeur kids to various activities.

It’s not like I never have any fun. I play in a golf league, for instance. Not a real league, where you have to finish every hole and count every stroke. It’s the kind of league where the players all take a shot of whiskey when someone sinks a birdie, or when no one sinks a birdie, or when everyone loses hope of ever sinking a birdie. Most of the time I don’t even keep score. It’s a fun league.

But that’s just one more thing taking up time in my week. There are precious few opportunities to buy the groceries, much less prepare a meal. I had to resort to making a lasagna at 7:30 pm one night just so we’d have something quick to warm up whenever we found 10 minutes to eat. At work the other day, my lunch consisted of a sandwich that had spent the previous day uneaten in Brayden’s backpack. Yum.

So this Mother’s Day, I’m sure I speak for moms everywhere when I say that all I really want is for someone to keep my family fed without any help from me. And not just for one day. From now on.

Life would be so much simpler if we didn’t need to eat.

Getting Cozy With Cancun Crocodiles

Getting Cozy With Cancun Crocodiles

Having held a baby crocodile in my hands on a trip to Australia many years ago, my reptile-cuddling needs have been long satisfied. But Brayden had never had such an opportunity, so today we joined up with our friends to tour Crococun Zoo, about a half hour out of Cancun.

The place is billed as an “interactive” zoo because you can actually hold a few of the animals; I’d also read that there would be wild spider monkeys swinging through the trees overhead. It was exactly the kind of place that would send Justin’s anxiety skyrocketing, but he was happy to stay at the resort by himself, so that worked out all right. (He was unusually happy to see us when we got back, but that was only because he’d managed to lock himself out of the room. Sigh.)

The guide let our group hold and/or feed everything from macaws and deer to boa constrictors and crocodiles. At one point we even walked through the crocodile enclosure, with strict instructions to walk single file and stay in the middle of the path. We were also told not to stop to take pictures, but to film as we walked. We literally passed within two feet of full-grown crocodiles, with nothing separating them and us. I still can’t believe that actually happened.

Home tomorrow…

Eco-Adventures at Xcaret

Eco-Adventures at Xcaret

This was pretty close to a perfect family day. We spent it at Xcaret, an eco-park about an hour south of Cancun. I chose that particular park because it offered options that appealed to all four of us — not an easy feat. And we did it on a private tour where we had our own car and driver and could set our own departure and return times. Which cost a bit more, but which was totally worth it.

And it really was an excellent day. The park is beyond gorgeous, which helped us to forget that much of the rest of non-resort Mexico is dirty, decrepit and overrun with garbage. This place clearly made a big effort to protect the environment and keep things pristine. They even require you to use biodegradable sunblock so you don’t damage the ecosystem. Awesome.

We started by suiting up in lifejackets and flippers and spending 40 minutes floating through an underground river. I was more than a little surprised that Justin was willing to give that one a go (especially after Brayden loudly announced he’d seen real fish in the water), but he did great. Many sections of the river run through caves with low-hanging ceilings and absolutely no light, and he was still OK. One of his flippers fell off and he still managed to outswim most of us. Kudos, dude!

One whole section of the park is kind of a mini zoo with various animals on display. We wandered around for an hour or so and saw manatees, tapirs, jaguars, pumas, flamingoes, etc. They even had deer, which was no biggie for us as we get them in our backyard at home all the time, but we did overhear a tour guide in a heavy Spanish accent announcing “the Bambi exhibit,” which was kind of amusing.

Lunch was an excellent buffet in a spectacular setting — the boys could even watch the jaguar from our table. Brayden ordered a pina colada, his new favorite cocktail, and it showed up in the most amazing drink container ever: a full-sized pineapple that had been given eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth made out of fruit. Way cool.

After stuffing ourselves, we took a leisurely 15-minute raft ride on another river. It was billed as a way to see exotic flora and fauna without getting wet, but it didn’t actually show us anything we hadn’t already seen on the long walk down to the raft boarding dock. Live and learn.

We spent our last bit of time in the park’s aquarium, which was especially awesome for its air conditioning (ahh). Jellyfish, sharks, sea turtles…the kids loved it.

One more day!

Hunting Iguanas in the Hotel Zone

Hunting Iguanas in the Hotel Zone

I can only take so much relaxation. We’ve never done an all-inclusive before because I do all the vacation planning and I don’t particularly enjoy sitting on a beach for a week at a time. It doesn’t matter how nice the resort (or cruise ship) is or how many activities are available. I like a change of scenery once a day, even if it’s only for an hour.

Certain other members of my family do not share this need, however, so I was having trouble organizing a family outing this morning. Chris was happy to just sit by the pool, and Justin could not be dragged from the kids club. I finally sold Brayden on the idea of checking out a small archeological site near the hotel that’s known for being overrun with iguanas. He couldn’t care less about ruined temples, but hunting lizards is totally his thing. So off we went.

The ruins were bigger than I expected and probably would have been more impressive if we hadn’t just done Chichen Itza yesterday. We counted 34 different iguanas — not too shabby for 40 minutes’ work. It wasn’t until we found the first big lizard that it dawned on us that we knew almost nothing about them: should we be worried that they keep bobbing their heads in our direction? Is that one about to charge? What do iguanas eat anyway? Huh.

After lunch and some colorful kiddie cocktails, it was back to (where else?) the beach. I swear that sand is never coming out of Justin’s hair.

To an eco-park tomorrow…

The Mightiest Mayan Ruins: Chichen Itza

The Mightiest Mayan Ruins: Chichen Itza

As I repeatedly explained to my children: today was for me. The rest of this trip (the kids club, the beach, the waterslides, the basketball court) was designed to make them happy, but today was about letting Mommy get her history fix. And if that meant sitting on a bus for 2.5 hours each way, with nothing to do but watch movies and drink pop and eat snacks and play iPad, then so be it.

So we headed off on a tour of the Mayan ruins of Chichen Itza (or as Brayden called it: “chicken pizza.”) There are other ruins closer to Cancun, but the ones at Chichen Itza are the largest and most famous, so that’s where I wanted to go. 

We started out with sincere intentions of following the guide, but after 10 minutes of standing in the heat listening to him ramble on in a dry monotone, the kids were close to mutiny. So we bailed on the tour and just wandered around on our own. It was hotter than Hades and we had only a vague idea what we were looking at, but it was still a neat experience. We even managed to get a photo of all of us smiling in front of the famous pyramid. Nice.

Lunch was in a charming restaurant in the colonial town of Vallodolid, and included traditional foods of the Yucatan as well as typical American fare. The boys ate Mayan chicken and a few actual vegetables (gasp) in addition to their hot dogs and fries, so I was pretty happy. The buffet also included unlimited Corona, so Chris was pretty happy too. We had some free time after lunch to wander around the old town center, but we were out of steam by then (hot as Hades!) so we plopped down in the shade and watched Chris play Bejewelled until the bus arrived.

Our final stop was at a cenote, an underground sinkhole. There are thousands of them all over the Yucatan, and they’re a popular way of cooling off. Our guide noted that this particular cenote was unsuitable for swimming, however, as it sits in the middle of the city and the water is almost certainly contaminated with sewage…but we saw a few people floating around in the water, so clearly not everyone got that memo. Yuck.

A long day, but a good day overall.

Relaxing at the resort tomorrow…

Kayaking on the Cancun Lagoon

Kayaking on the Cancun Lagoon

We are not what you would call an adventurous family. Given my motion sickness problems and Justin’s anxiety issues, many of the most popular activities in Cancun (snorkeling, scuba diving, speedboating, ziplining) are a no-go for our group. So I was pretty excited when I discovered a marina near our resort would let us borrow pedal boats for free — we could explore the lagoon in leisurely comfort and never have to get wet. We even convinced another family we know to join us on this little outing. Perfect.

But things didn’t go quite according to plan. The guys at the marina explained that the current was too strong for pedal boats, and that we’d be wasting our time trying to manoeuvre around that way. So we went with double kayaks instead. This required a lot more energy and a lot more coordination, neither of which was in great supply.  Brayden was more interested in ramming the other kayaks than actually contributing to the navigation; I finally gave up and told him to just sit still and let me do all the paddling. Still, it was a good time. Here’s hoping I can lift my arms tomorrow.

After a lunch in which my three boys ate a combined total of four hamburgers, two hot dogs and four plates of fries (we are really getting our money’s worth at that buffet), it was back to the beach, where the kids spent the better part of three hours getting sand into every possible orifice. Good times.

Tonight we’re having dinner with our friends at the resort’s Italian restaurant, which will be a nice change from the line-up-at-the-trough experience of the main buffet.

Day trip to Chichen Itza tomorrow!

Family Fun in the Mexican Sun

Family Fun in the Mexican Sun

Our Cancun resort may be regretting their policy of charging the child rate for a 12-year-old boy. Especially a 12-year-old boy who spends the whole morning swimming and playing basketball, and thus shows up for lunch ready to devour everything in sight. That buffet never knew what hit it. We finally put our foot down after Justin’s third trip to the dessert table. Whew.

Having never done the Mexican all-inclusive thing before, we weren’t sure what to expect, but everyone’s having a good time so far. We hit the beach first thing this morning and let the kids play in the massive waves (housekeeping must hate us…that beautiful white sand gets everywhere), then Brayden hit the waterslides while Justin went off to the basketball court. The four of us met up for lunch by the pool, then relaxed a bit in the games room: the boys played Wii while Chris and I shot some pool (I won my first game ever!)

Right now we’re just chilling in the room. It’s hot and sunny and beautiful…ahh.

Maybe some watersports tomorrow…

How “We” Plan a Vacation

How “We” Plan a Vacation

My husband and I have a very clear division of responsibilities when it comes to trip planning.

WHAT I DO: research destinations, compare packages, investigate flights, read hotel reviews, arrange car rentals, book tours, renew passports, check weather forecasts, purchase appropriate clothing, pack suitcases, and close down the house

WHAT HE DOES: sets the “out of office” notification on his email

So while I can happily spend a year or more planning a vacation, he prefers to wait until the next-to-last minute before familiarizing himself with all the details, such as where we’re actually going.

Four days before we left for a Scandinavian cruise, for example, he was still unclear about whether we were flying to Sweden or Switzerland. Once we cleared that up, and he read a bit about our itinerary, he said to me in surprise, “Hey, did you know the Kiel Canal is a real canal?” (With water and everything? You’re kidding!)

A few years later, we were on our way to the airport for a trip to Hawaii when he asked me the name of our hotel so he could look it up on his phone. Then he said to me, in all seriousness, “Hey, did you know our hotel is really close to the beach?” (Really? You’d think I would have noticed that.)

It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy travelling. He just doesn’t care to be involved in the planning. I used to seek his opinion on travel issues, but he was happy to let me handle all that stuff, and I was happy to have carte blanche to do whatever I wanted.

But when he does take an interest, he can be dangerous. If he’s around when I’m packing, for instance, he will insist on throwing in virtually every piece of clothing he owns. Never mind that he will wear a maximum of two different outfits no matter how long we’re away. Never mind that including all that stuff means taking a bigger and more unwieldy suitcase. Never mind that I will have to wash his entire wardrobe when we get home. Sigh.

So to summarize: I do all the work, and he goes along for the ride.

And that way, we both have a bon voyage.

A Balance of Good and Evil

A Balance of Good and Evil

Our second born is a “typical” child, which is to say he can be a huge pain in the ass. I would conservatively estimate that 95% of his waking hours are devoted to annoying the people around him. He hasn’t actually ended up in the principal’s office or been beaten up on the playground, but it’s only a matter of time. Yes. He’s that kid.

At least at home he is. I get a completely different vibe from his teachers, who have been singing his praises for years. His report cards consistently describe him as a bright, well-mannered and well-adjusted young man. The fact that the teacher he started out with in September has been on stress leave for the past four months is probably just a coincidence.

But once in a while, his redeeming qualities shine through. Yesterday I took Brayden shopping for his brother’s upcoming birthday. For years now I’ve been trying to get my kids to independently come up with thoughtful gift ideas for each other, but what usually ends up happening is:

a) they avoid the whole issue by mutually agreeing not to buy each other anything, or
b) they find something they themselves want and make a I’ll-buy-you-this-if-you’ll-buy-me-that deal.

So I was pleasantly surprised when Brayden came up with a gift idea for Justin that was appropriate, well thought out and within his budget. It was also what I’d already purchased, but I applauded his effort.

It took us a while, but we did manage to find something else. And in a fitting twist, he ended up spending almost as much on candy as he did on his brother.

I guess it all balances out.

Bathroom Battles: The Hygiene War

Bathroom Battles: The Hygiene War

Personal hygiene has never been my boys’ strong suit. For one thing, they have yet to accept the premise that “wet” does not mean “clean.” If I want them to wash their faces, I have to specifically mention a cloth, warm water and soap, and even then they might wipe only the parts they think are dirty. Many times, my kids claim to have washed despite never having turned the tap on.

Kids with Asperger’s really struggle in this area, as it’s just not something they care about. If you can get Justin into a routine, he’s generally good. But it has to be repeated enough that he does it by rote, cause he certainly doesn’t stop to think about why he needs to brush his teeth or wash his hair. It’s not about getting things clean; it’s about getting me off his case.

In that way, he’s not much different from his father. In our pre-kid days, Chris and I would eat our meals in the dining room, and he would wipe the table as part of the clean-up process. Once we had babies, we started eating in the kitchen — ┬ábut Chris continued to wipe the table in the dining room, cause that was his routine. He wasn’t focused on cleaning anything; he was just wiping cause he’d been told to wipe. Argh.

When Justin first went to summer camp at age seven, the camp gave us a list with all the items he’d need. I diligently packed it all. I even threw in a facecloth, despite the fact that Justin had never used a facecloth and would be hard pressed to identify what it was for. I figured the counselors, who were used to dealing with kids with disabilities, would have some magical way of getting him to stay clean.

I’ve been sending the exact same bottles of soap and shampoo every year since. He’s now 11 and those bottles have never been refilled. I’m thinking of having them bronzed.

I sent those same bottles on his school camping trip a few weeks ago, except this time we forgot to pack his toothbrush. He never noticed, because he never took his toiletries out of his bag. He did manage to lose his towel, though.

Sigh.