5 Signs That It’s Time to Go Home

Today we took a side trip to Slovakia and toured the Hapsburg imperial treasury in Vienna. We saw lots of old stuff. We learned lots of new facts. And we didn’t especially care about any of it. We are soooo ready to go home tomorrow.

Here are five tell-tale signs that you’re ready for your vacation to be over:

All you want to do is sleep. You don’t want to climb another 200 steps to see another thousand-year-old monument with great historical significance. You want to pass out in the back of the bus and drool on your spouse’s shoulder. Nothing is more precious than a nap at the end of a vacation.

“New adventures” become “irritating inconveniences.” Public washrooms that require coins, TVs that don’t speak English, and drinks that aren’t chilled almost have you in tears. You’d rather buy a stale sandwich at the hotel gift shop than figure out how to get downtown on the subway. You’re done.

Restaurant food makes you gag. No menu anywhere will satisfy you. You want a simple home-cooked meal piled high with vegetables accompanied by the biggest glass of ice water you can imagine. You’re tired of deliberately dehydrating yourself in order to avoid having to find a bathroom.

There’s a powerful stench coming from your suitcase. You pity the airport security official that chooses to pull your bag aside for a random check. You still have to figure out how to explain to your friend that you packed three pairs of your dirty socks inside the souvenir mug you bought her in London.

You can’t imagine ever wanting to get on another airplane. You wish you could just beam yourself home. You dread dealing with three flights, 19 hours of travelling and a nine-hour time change. You’re convinced that once you finally make it home, you will never want to leave again.

(You are wrong.)