Fantasizing About Food

All I want for Mother’s Day is a live-in personal chef.

That’s it. Forget the flowers. Skip the chocolates. And definitely don’t bring me breakfast in bed (all those crumbs in my sheets…ugh.) All I want is someone who will take care of the grocery shopping, meal planning, and food preparation. Because I’m done. Seriously, done. There are just not enough hours in a day.

In our household, spring sports season is the worst. Baseball three times a week, soccer twice, plus youth group and physio appointments and on and on and on. I made it extra fun this year by starting a new full-time job (!) so Chris and I basically pass each other in the garage as we chauffeur kids to various activities.

It’s not like I never have any fun. I play in a golf league, for instance. Not a real league, where you have to finish every hole and count every stroke. It’s the kind of league where the players all take a shot of whiskey when someone sinks a birdie, or when no one sinks a birdie, or when everyone loses hope of ever sinking a birdie. Most of the time I don’t even keep score. It’s a fun league.

But that’s just one more thing taking up time in my week. There are precious few opportunities to buy the groceries, much less prepare a meal. I had to resort to making a lasagna at 7:30 pm one night just so we’d have something quick to warm up whenever we found 10 minutes to eat. At work the other day, my lunch consisted of a sandwich that had spent the previous day uneaten in Brayden’s backpack. Yum.

So this Mother’s Day, I’m sure I speak for moms everywhere when I say that all I really want is for someone to keep my family fed without any help from me. And not just for one day. From now on.

Life would be so much simpler if we didn’t need to eat.