Author Archives: Crystal

Shedding Some Light on Asperger’s

Posted on by

Justin’s Asperger’s has always been an open secret at his school — I don’t shy away from talking about it, but I don’t advertise it either. Like most parents, we wanted him to just blend in as much as possible. I know some parents were aware of it and I’m sure the grapevine has worked its magic, but I finally decided to get everyone on the same page. So, last week I sent this letter to all the parents in Justin’s kindergarten class:

“Dear parents:

I want to take this opportunity to explain a condition Justin has that affects the way he understands other people, talks with other people, and acts with other people.

As you may be aware, Justin has Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s the highest functioning end of the autism spectrum, which means that people with this syndrome can function pretty well in society. Like all forms of autism, Asperger’s includes difficulties with communication and social skills. People with Asperger’s have good grammatical skills and an advanced vocabulary, but they are very literal and have trouble using language in a social context.

People with Asperger’s have normal or high intelligence, but they have a hard time talking to and fitting in with other people. As children, they need special help at home and school to learn social behavior.

Some things that are difficult for Justin are:

– Reading body language and understanding other people’s emotions
– Understanding the unwritten rules of social nuance — he doesn’t always know how he’s supposed to act in new situations, and this creates anxiety for him
– Knowing when someone is joking — he generally doesn’t understand irony, sarcasm or slang, and will take everything very literally
– Transitioning from one task to the next — he sometimes gets “stuck” on a favorite activity

Some of Justin’s strengths are:

– Seeing and remembering details that other people miss
– Reading, printing and spelling
– Using computers

Justin loves playing with friends, but does require a little extra support at times. I would be happy to come along on any play dates to help out. I would also be happy to answer any questions you or your child have about Asperger’s and how it affects the way Justin interacts with people.

Thanks very much for your understanding.”

The main reason I finally decided to explain all this is because we’re now getting to the point where parents often aren’t involved in play dates, and I don’t think Justin’s ready to be dropped off at someone’s house with no support. He just has a few too many quirks that not everyone would understand. Or maybe I’m just being overprotective? I don’t want people to look at him differently because he has a diagnosed condition, but I also don’t want them to think he’s rude or inconsiderate because he misread someone’s facial expression or didn’t realize someone was kidding.

This parenting thing is tough. Sigh…

A Bit of March Madness

Posted on by

We’re on day 3 of 14 of the kids being home all the time (curse you, spring break!) but actually it hasn’t been too bad so far. Justin was home sick for most of last week, which made me feel like we were under house arrest, but he’s feeling better now, so at least there’s a chance we’ll get out to a few parks (Brayden is showing signs of coming down with the same nasty cold, but we won’t focus on that right now). Both boys actually spent the morning at Grandpa’s, so I took full advantage of the free time and did all kinds of errands, including jogging my two miles on the treadmill. Ahh…

One of the many things I did this morning was book our cruise for next year. OK, so it’s 15 months away, but it’s nice to have something to look forward to. We’re going to spend two and a half weeks touring northern Europe — very cool. The cruise even spends three full days in St. Petersburg, which is one of the places I’ve always said I would love to see but would probably never go to. Awesome!

Older and Wiser

Posted on by

My sweet, bright, curious, charming little boy is six years old today! I can hardly believe how grown up he seems these days. A couple of his kindergarten friends came over for a play date this afternoon (Justin actually asked for this play date, which is a first) and it was amazing to watch the boys all play together. Justin had the odd Asperger moment where I’d have to intervene, but the other boys took it all in stride and never once treated him like an outcast, which really made my heart swell. These were kids his own age who liked and accepted him for who he was — what an incredible thing to see.

Happy birthday little man!

Years in Review

Posted on by

Today marks 22 years since I started my journal, which means I am one of the unfortunate few who can revisit (in great detail) their 12-year-old self. I don’t actually do that, of course — those older volumes are buried in a closet somewhere, plus I have no desire to go that far back in time. I sometimes look back two or three years, but that’s about it. Part of me believes that having my life on paper like that could help me be a better mom once my kids hit their teen years, but that remains to be seen.

Speaking of getting on in years…Justin turns six next week, which just seems unreal. We’ve got him doing a few things around here he never used to do (he gets his own breakfast, makes his own bed, washes the kitchen floor) and I constantly marvel at how much he’s grown up. He’s even doing so well at school that his aide has been telling the resource teacher that Justin doesn’t really need her, which is amazing. His class has been learning how to square dance and it’s beyond adorable to see him do-se-do’ing and laughing with all the other kids. His anxiety level is way, way, way down (at a birthday party a couple weeks ago he was right in there whapping the balloons with everybody else, and it wasn’t long ago that balloons would freak him out to the point that he would have to leave the room) and it’s just awesome to see.

The Winter Blahs

Posted on by

I suppose it’s the price we pay for having school-aged children, but we’ve had a wicked winter of illness around here. Colds, respiratory infections, fevers, flu…we haven’t had a 100 percent healthy household since mid-November. Brayden was invited to two birthday parties last weekend but had to leave the first one early because he was acting up and couldn’t go to the second one at all because he was throwing up. He also cannot seem to kick the cough he’s had for the better part of two months. Sigh…

Justin turns six in a few weeks, which means he’s about to lose three-quarters of his autism funding (cause everyone knows autism is cured by age six, right? Argh.) He’s done so well in the program at the child development centre that we’re going to keep him in it one day a week, even though it’ll be $200 a month out of our pocket. He currently goes three times a week and gets speech therapy and occupational therapy as part of his package, all of it paid for by the government, but we can’t afford to keep that up. I realize we’re extremely lucky to get any funding at all, but I don’t get why the money dries up once they’re in school.

There’s a nasty windchill around here these days that really has me longing for spring. At least February’s almost over…

Reader Beware

Posted on by

I took a science reporting class when I was in journalism school. That might baffle those who know me, given that I have little interest in science (or in journalism, for that matter), but we had to choose a specialty and science seemed easier than politics, business or entertainment. At any rate, for one of my stories I decided to write about Raynaud’s Disease , since I’ve had it for decades and therefore I had an inside track. In case any of you are in the habit of believing what you read in the media, check out this entirely true account of how I put this story together:

First I needed to find some fellow sufferers, so I went online. That sounds easy, but this was 1997 and I was using a Macintosh Classic II with a tiny nine-inch screen. In fact, the whole Internet thing was so new that my professors insisted we get a phone number for our sources and actually call them instead of just conducting the interview via e-mail. (Yes, kids, Mommy comes from a whole other millennium.) I’m pretty sure I did the interviews by e-mail and then dialled their numbers just to say I called.

Then I needed a medical expert. This was the biggest joke of all. I made an appointment with my family doctor to talk about Raynaud’s, since I had no idea where else to go, but he didn’t exactly turn out to be a fountain of information. Here’s a sample of our conversation:
ME: What are the main treatments for Raynaud’s?
DOC: Let me find some more info. (leaves room and returns with large textbook)
ME: How prevalent is Raynaud’s?
DOC: (consulting book) It doesn’t say.

I didn’t have time to find another medical source, so in my story he became “a doctor who has treated a number of Raynaud’s patients” because hey, one is a number, and he did treat me. Remember this the next time you read the newspaper.

This story came to mind today because while I’ve mostly kept my Raynaud’s under control by dressing warm and avoiding (although not eliminating) caffeine, it’s been bothering me a lot lately, so I finally saw a doctor about it, and this guy actually seemed to know something about the disorder. So now I’m on nifedipine, my toes have returned to their healthy pink color and life is good again.

Family Adventure

Posted on by

We just completed another highly successful trip to West Edmonton Mall. It was especially nice having the whole family there, although I could not believe the effort it took to coordinate 11 people’s dinner plans. The definite highlight for the boys was the wave pool — Justin even got to the point where he could play in the waves without holding on to anyone, so that was good to see. Brayden LOVED jumping the waves but got so worn out that he actually coughed hard enough to make himself puke (we took him back to the clinic today and got him some antibiotics, so hopefully this God-awful cough he’s had for a month will clear up soon). Last night we left the boys with Grandma and Grandpa while the rest of us (including Serenity, who absolutely cannot be without her mommy these days) went for dinner, so at least I got one kid-free evening.

Home sweet home!

Attitude Adjustment

Posted on by

Justin’s attitude (and thus my temper) have both improved dramatically over the last couple days. I finally talked to his teachers and told them to start letting him go to the special needs bathroom instead of making him go into the regular boys washroom — he’s way too anxious to use a restroom where no adults are allowed, and which probably isn’t in the most pristine state. So he’s been holding it until he gets home at lunch, which obviously isn’t ideal, and he had a bit of an accident this week that made him really upset. So anyway, now that he’s allowed to go into the other bathroom, where he’s all by himself, he’s been doing much better. Whew.

We also took some advice from his behavior consultant and wrote out a cheat sheet for him that he can look at whenever he’s playing video games — it basically says “When I start to get anxious while playing a game, here are some things I can do” and then it lists taking a deep breath, trying again, playing a different game or turning it off. None of this is news to him, as we have explained it over and over again, but we’ve never actually written it out for him before, and the consultant reminded us that he processes language much better when he can read it as opposed to when he hears it. It seems to be working, thank the gods.

Birthday Bash

Posted on by

We had what turned out to be a really fabulous birthday party for me last night. We ended up with three men and five women, which was an exceptionally good ratio considering most of my friends are single moms. We played ’80s trivia and it proved to be quite a lively game, probably because we also drank copious amounts of alcohol — Dave and Chris split a case of beer, plus Chris had a couple coolers, and Teri didn’t drink all that much but was still in no condition to drive home (we returned her van this morning). I had a buffet table set up next to the game, so we ate, drank, laughed lots and just generally had a good time. The kids slept through all the noise (yay!) and Dave stuck around for a while this morning to entertain them, so overall it’s been a great weekend.

New Challenges

Posted on by

He’s doing excellently well at school, at his autism program and at gymnastics, but Justin has been an absolute beast at home this week, and I wish we could figure out why. It’s possible he’s coming down with something, I guess, and I’m kind of hoping that’s it, cause I’d rather not face the possibility that this is a power struggle that will go on for some time. It’s convenient to blame everything on Asperger’s, but we have to constantly remind ourselves that he’s still a five-year-old boy, and he will behave like one. Sigh.

I turned 34 a few days ago and had the rather depressing thought that when my mother was my age she was going back to school and getting ready to rejoin the workforce, whereas the most intellectually stimulating thing I do these days is watch Jeopardy. Of course, when she was 34 her youngest child was already nine years old, and my kids are still pretty young, but I do wonder if I’m going to have any marketable skills left by the time I’m ready to look for a job. I’ve never had much confidence in my skills, even when I was working (I always felt like I was lucky to get the job I had, and didn’t know how I’d ever find another), but now that I’m almost six years removed from that world it seems like a distant dream. I knew what I was signing up for with this motherhood thing, and I’m happy with my choice, but it won’t be easy to sell myself to an employer someday.