I often wish there was less of a conflict between what I actually want to do and what I think I should want to do. I’ve been pondering the fact that I’m only a year and a half away from having both kids in school full time, which will leave me doing…? I feel like I should want to do some retraining and get back into a real career — but what I actually want to do is get a mindless part-time job (maybe cleaning houses…I used to work for Molly Maid in the summers between college years) so that I could fill some hours and make a little money but not have to turn around and spend it on child care. I also feel a bit guilty for wanting such a scenario because a lot of my friends are single moms struggling to support their families, whereas I’m fortunately not the one who pays the bills in our house. (Actually, while I’m glad I don’t have to be the breadwinner, it kind of bugs me that I couldn’t fill that role. Argh.)