Author Archives: Crystal

Water Beats Rock: The Grand Canyon

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When I first suggested this trip to Chris, he was less than enthused about the whole Vegas thing…until I pointed out that we could take a day trip to the Grand Canyon. Even better, we could do it on a small group tour that included stops at Hoover Dam and along famous Route 66. Sold.

After a quick photo stop at Hoover Dam, it was on to Seligman, Arizona, on historic Route 66. That place is straight out of the ’50s. John Lasseter saw a bunch of old cars there that had eyeballs painted on the windshields, and that gave him the idea for the movie Cars. Pretty cool.

We finally made it to the Grand Canyon in late afternoon. It’s truly astounding what a raging river can do to solid rock. We hiked along the canyon rim for an hour or so, which was amazing because the cloud cover kept temperatures down and made for great photos. Then we sat to watch the sun set, which was a total bust because the cloud cover kept the sun from ever coming out. Can’t win ’em all.

One more day in Sin City…

 

Hotels, Heat and Mob Hits: Day 2 in Vegas

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If you think all five-star resorts have soundproofed rooms, you clearly don’t work in the hospitality industry. The yahoos in the room next to ours stumbled in around 6 am and spent the next 45 minutes whooping and hollering before presumably passing out. (It’s a good thing we passed out at 9:00 last night, or they might have actually woken us up.)

Those guys next door could probably use the Hangover Heaven service I saw advertised at the airport. For as little as $160, a van will come to wherever you are (hotel room, street corner, whatever) and provide you with a specially prepared blend of hangover medicine through an IV. “Dr. Burke and his team are experts at hangover cures and IV hydration,” according to the website. You can even pre-book a group session if you’re planning a big night. Only in Vegas.

Vegas is not all about casinos, of course. It’s also about the mobsters who used to control the casinos. We learned all about the history of gangsters in America at the Mob Museum today. I have great respect for the way Americans go all-out with the theming in their museums — they transform entire rooms into exact replicas of whatever theme is on display. They’re also fairly interactive. We got to stand in a police lineup, fire a machine gun, and sit in an electric chair. We also got to see the actual courtroom where the Senate hearings on organized crime took place in 1950 (the room still has the original furniture, including a bulletproof judge’s bench). I call that two hours well spent.

The guy handing out towels on the pool deck said it was supposed to be 105 degrees today. I assume he meant Celsius, since that’s about what it feels like. We walked around the Strip for a few minutes this afternoon and had to make a pact to stop complaining about how much we were sweating. Whew.

To the Grand Canyon tomorrow…

Viva Las Vegas

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We don’t gamble, I don’t really drink, and we rarely stay awake past 9:30 pm…so naturally we came to Vegas. In the middle of the summer. With the Canadian dollar at its lowest level in over 10 years. Huh.

I know it sounds crazy, but we had an opportunity to get away from the kids for a few days, and we wanted to go somewhere we’d never been, and we wanted to use our loyalty points to get a cheap flight. Vegas fit the bill. (It turns out most people don’t want to go to the desert in July. Go figure.)

Let the adventures begin…

Pool Parents Unite

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A harried-looking mother of three I recognized from school sat down next to me on the pool deck. She explained that things were a bit crazy this morning because each of her kids had a different start time for their swimming lessons, which meant she was stuck at the pool for over two hours, but at least she thought to bring her laptop on the off chance she could get some work done.

Naturally, as soon as the 10-year-old’s lesson began, Mom noticed he was the only one in his class without goggles. So she rounded up her 14- and 7-year-olds, loaded them back into the van and high-tailed it home to retrieve the missing goggles. She made it back 15 minutes before the end of the lesson, which is when she saw me.

She paused in her retelling of this story to look more closely at her 14-year-old son.

MOM: Those aren’t swim shorts.
SON: (looking down) Aren’t they?
MOM: No, they are not.
SON: (shrugging) Does it matter?
MOM: (rolling her eyes) Whatever. But those are going to fade.
SON: They’re already faded.
MOM: No, I mean the black part is going to fade.
SON: (sounding irritated) They’re already faded!
MOM: (turning away) Don’t talk to me.

At that exact moment, something sailed through the air and landed with a clunk at her feet. The 10-year-old had decided he didn’t want his goggles.

It’s nice to know it’s not just us.

Through Aspie Eyes

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You would think that after years of living with Mr. Literal, I would have learned not to assume he instinctively understands what most people instinctively understand. That I would realize he takes me at my word, not my meaning. That I would know to explain all those truths that seem self-evident.

But sometimes even I get tripped up.

The other day I was talking to Justin about the cruise we’ll be taking next winter. I showed him the deck plan of the ship and pointed out where our cabin was on Deck 2. Then I showed him pictures of all the cool things on the ship: the mini golf course and basketball court on Dec 12, the waterslide on Deck 13 that goes off the side of the ship and through one of the funnels, the freely available ice cream bar on Deck 11.

I thought he’d be thrilled, since he loves all that stuff. But he just looked glum.

“So is there anything cool on our deck?” he asked.

Then it dawned on me: he thought we weren’t allowed to go to any other part of the ship. He thought we were stuck down on Deck 2 while all the fun stuff was way up on top. Fair enough — he’s never been on a cruise ship. He doesn’t know how it works.

“Dude, the ship is like a hotel. You can go anywhere you want,” I pointed out.

His face immediately brightened. Then he stood up, wagged his finger in my face and said with a smile, “You didn’t tell me that.”

The things you don’t think you have to explain.

Beyond the Special Needs Label: Boys Will Be Boys

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We’ve always been up front with the kids about Justin having Asperger’s. Justin knows he’s wired differently. He has even accepted that Asperger’s is considered a disability.

Early on, when Justin was in a special program to help him learn social skills, Brayden wondered why he didn’t have to go to the same program. We explained that Justin needed extra help to learn some things that Brayden already knew how to do (talk to people, make friends), just like Brayden went to speech therapy to get extra help with some things that Justin already knew how to do.

Later, Justin would say something brutally honest, not out of spite, but because it simply didn’t occur to him that someone would take offence. (“Not every honest thought needs to be expressed” was a tough lesson to teach.) So we’d have to explain to Justin that the words we say actually do affect other people, and then we’d have to explain to Brayden that his brother’s brain just works differently.

Sometimes that means cutting him a little extra slack. Like the time we were in a restaurant in Disneyland and a guy was going around making amazing balloon animals for the kids. Brayden LOVES balloon animals, but balloons make Justin anxious, so Brayden knew he wasn’t getting one. Them’s the breaks.

But there’s more to a person than some label. Just because Justin has Asperger’s doesn’t mean he never behaves like a typical kid. He’s perfectly capable of pushing Brayden’s buttons and acting like the big brother he is.

Brayden explained his perspective to his teacher the other day:

BRAYDEN: Did you know my brother is really annoying?
TEACHER: (amused) No, I didn’t know that.
BRAYDEN: He has Asperger’s. That’s a form of autism.
TEACHER: So what does that mean?
BRAYDEN: It means he’s more annoying than most people.

Because he has Asperger’s? Or because he’s your brother?

As if it matters.

Facing the Future

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It’s dangerous to try to see into the future. No one knows this better than parents of children with special needs. One day at a time. Whatever you do, don’t think too far ahead.

I tend to go along on the presumption that my child is just like any other child, that he blends, that his foibles are not that different from those of his peers. And for the most part, that’s true: his teachers tell me that while he still needs organizational support, he’s well on his way to becoming a mature and responsible student. To quote from one of my books on Asperger’s: “Quirky, yes–hopeless, no.”

So I often think he’s just like everyone else. I also like to pretend that the world is just like it was when I was growing up, when almost every kid mowed lawns and delivered newspapers, couldn’t wait to learn to drive, and had a part-time job by age 15.

Granted, my child is only 10. But my breath catches in my throat whenever I think about where he’ll be five years from now. Will this boy who can be so rigid in his thinking ever learn the ebb and flow of driving in traffic? Will a kid who can barely chop a carrot ever cook an entire meal? Will a guy who has trouble with eye contact and who takes language so literally ever make it through a job interview?

None of us has a crystal ball, but I have to believe he’ll be fine. Five years is an eternity in a child’s development. And five years ago, when he was first diagnosed, I would not have believed we would get to a place where he plays team sports, gets invited to play dates and sleepovers, and walks to school by himself.

So anything can happen. Deep breaths. We can do this.

Memorable Mommy Moments

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A church billboard I passed the other day reminded me to “collect moments, not things” when it comes to Mother’s Day. That’s sage advice, considering most of the “things” I’ve been given over the years have been teacher-mandated art projects for which I had to send money/supplies. So here are some mommy moments I’ve collected over the last little while:

At the fourth grade science fair, parents were invited to come and look at all the projects set up in the gym. I zeroed in on Justin, so proud to see him standing next to his (more like our) work…and he told me to move along. “Don’t stand here, Mom!” So heartwarming.

While I was cleaning the outside of our big second-floor bay window, clinging spider-like to the window frame to keep from plummeting to the ground, Justin leaned out the open window and complained, “Mom, it’s chilly.” He went to close the window and leave me stranded outside…until he saw the murderous look on my face, at which point he decided to just move to a different room. Score one for non-verbal communication.

At the Mother’s Day tea in Brayden’s class, the teacher read out introductions the kids had written about their mothers. Most kids said stuff like “my mom watches TV” and “my mom likes shopping”…and my son noted “my mom is a slow drinker.” (At least I wasn’t the poor woman who was told she was “a good bed lady.”)

So this Mother’s Day, I plan to bask in the obvious love my children have for me. Plus enjoy a good stiff drink.

Maybe I should get started now…

 

Crafting an Awesome Minecraft Party

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There was never any doubt about the theme Brayden would want for his eighth birthday party. There was some doubt about my ability to pull it off, however, since all I knew about Minecraft was that it was basically an online Lego game with retro graphics. I was such a noob. Fortunately, Brayden was happy to explain the basics, and of course there were many ideas available online (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: what did parents do before the Internet?)

First up was a game of “Knock over the creepers.” I bought a bunch of green floral styrofoam cubes from the dollar store and put creeper faces on them with electrical tape. The kids stacked them up and threw a ball at them to see how many they could knock over…which almost instantly degenerated into chaos, but they had fun. I was wise enough to leave the plastic wrap on the cubes so my house wasn’t littered with bits of green styrofoam — score one for Mom.

Next came freeze tag with a Minecraft twist: Chris was a zombie out to get the kids, and when he tagged them they “died,” and they could only “respawn” when another kid touched them. The kids quickly figured out that Chris couldn’t get them if they hid under the trampoline, so I joined the game as zombie #2 to flush them out (I can fit under there). It was a surprisingly hot day, and there was so much running, so everyone was sweating by the time this one was done.

For a change of pace, we played a few rounds of Minecraft bingo. This was a freebie download that kept them quiet and still for almost 10 straight minutes — amazing.

Then it was on to some crafting recipes. I printed out a bunch of the Minecraft icons needed to “craft” a torch, a TNT block and some cake (hey, it’s a birthday party!) I hid the icons all around the family room and the backyard, split the kids into two teams and set them loose to hunt down the materials. Each team ended up with a redstone torch and a block of TNT (to be used later) plus the right to eat cake.

I used one brown and one green plastic tablecloth to make the table look like a grass block. Since everything in Minecraft is cubed, I used square black plates. The game even has certain foods, so I used that as the basis for the snacks: carrots, melon, redstone (strawberries), fish (goldfish crackers) and of course cake (courtesy of Wal-Mart).

When they’d had their fill, we moved on to the hotly anticipated grand finale: our version of “Light the TNT.” We had a couple big bottles of Diet Coke and some Mentos, and when you combine the two you get an explosion that boys of every age dream of. I swear that Coke shot up 25 feet in the air. Good stuff.

And now my baby is eight!

The Myth of the All-Knowing Parent

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Isn’t there supposed to be a stage when kids believe their parents are all-knowing, all-powerful beings? I’m not sure my offspring have ever regarded me with a sense of hero worship. And if they did, the bloom came off that rose many, many moons ago.

Justin rolls his eyes when he sees how I can’t complete math equations as fast as he can, or when I have to admit I can’t count to 20 in Spanish, or when I have absolutely no idea who was voted the most valuable player of the 1974 Stanley Cup playoffs.

Brayden used to ask questions I could answer, but that changed around the time he learned to read. We went from “Why is it so dark in the winter?” to “Where did ancient Egypt get its sand?”and “Why did Canada have to defend Hong Kong?”

Here’s a sample of the kind of conversations we have these days:

BRAYDEN: When did Canada become an independent country?

ME (confidently): In 1867.

BRAYDEN: But that was Confederation. Then we were part of the British Empire, right?

ME (less confidently): Well, yes.

BRAYDEN: So when did we become truly independent? And what’s the deal with the Commonwealth?

ME (edging out of the room): Um…

(The sad part is that I actually minored in Canadian history at university. You’d think I’d be able to answer an eight-year-old’s questions without resorting to Google. But no.)

At this point, Brayden’s keyboarding skills are not so great, so he still needs me to actually look up all this stuff on the Internet. But I know the time is coming when my middleman role will no longer be necessary.

Which I guess is as it should be.