Category Archives: Parenting

Good Tidings

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Things are going extraordinarily well around here these days (knock on wood). And since I tend to only blog about the annoying stuff, I thought I’d embrace the spirit of the season and celebrate all that is good with the Lee family:

1. I love my job. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I do, but I really think I’ve found my calling. Technical writing is a good fit for me. And working part time rocks.

2. I finally got my grades from my tech comm program, so now I officially get to graduate.

3. Justin had an amazing report card, PLUS he actually passed his swimming lessons. That’s the first time either of my kids has passed swimming. Awesome.

4. Brayden just lost his first tooth. I had to physically yank it out of his mouth cause the adult tooth is fully in and needed space, but hey, all’s well that ends well. He was pretty stoked about his first visit from the tooth fairy.

5. We’re not travelling for Christmas this year. Technically I’m hosting, but the way it worked out, none of the out-of-town relatives is actually sleeping at my place. Bonus.

6. We’re all healthy. Last year at this time we were three weeks into a brutal stretch of colds, flu, ear infections, bronchitis and eye infections that didn’t end until mid-January. Things are looking up this year.

So that’s the latest on us. Ho ho ho!

Bringing Order to Chaos

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Sometimes it hurts to be an obsessively organized type A personality. Particularly when you are the mother of boys who are organizational train wrecks. I just don’t get how they can be so clueless. A couple weeks ago Brayden came out after school wearing his toque and mitts — but no coat. Another time Justin wandered out without his backpack. Argh.

Justin’s lack of personal organization is the major issue in his IEP (individualized education plan) right now, which is actually good news, since it means he’s conquered the toileting and social skills challenges he had for so long. (And if they figure out how to get him to keep track of his stuff, maybe they can tell me how they did it so I can try it with Brayden. Argh.)

Actually, a lot of positive stuff came out of that IEP meeting. His teacher wants to send him for some academic testing so she can get him into some sort of gifted program, which sounds pretty cool. Anything that will keep him challenged is good. (He’ll certainly need better work skills, but that’s a whole other issue. The pitfalls of having everything come easily…sigh.)

As the control freak in the house, I do what I can to keep everybody on track. But will they ever learn to do all this for themselves?

Don’t answer that.

A “No Yelling” Update: Not in Front of Witnesses

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I’ve been remarkably good about not yelling at the kids for the past couple months, but sadly I don’t think it’s because I’ve turned over a new leaf. And it’s definitely not because the kids have been perfect angels. It’s because my little brother has been living with us. Remember how I used to pretend there was a hidden camera recording everything I did?  Now I don’t have to pretend: there really IS another set of eyes watching me.

At least there was for a while. Dave is away on a business trip right now, and I’ve already had at least two yelling incidents that I’d rather not think about. But even while I was yelling, I knew I wouldn’t be doing it if Dave was still around. Bring on the guilt.

Not that the yelling was totally unjustified. Justin’s in a phase of arguing with absolutely everything I say. It’s a bad combination of his black-and-white thinking, his lack of emotional self-regulation and his just being eight years old. Even Dave had moments when he wanted to strangle the kid. Argh.

I just have to focus on the mantra I learned during that Orange Rhino challenge: I can’t control anyone else’s behavior, but I can control my reaction to that behavior.

Deep breaths…

Deep Breaths…

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Be careful what you wish for, I guess. I was so focused on the thrill of getting the kids back to school that I kind of forgot how hectic our schedule would suddenly become.

Yes, I get six blissful kid-free hours during the day to get my stuff done — but there aren’t too many spare minutes once that final bell rings. Three afternoons a week are taken up with soccer practices and Justin’s therapy sessions, Saturdays are devoted to soccer games, and Sundays are busy with swimming lessons. In between all this we have to squeeze in homework, Justin’s OT exercises and both boys’ bike riding practice. I should start teaching Brayden how to tie his shoes, but God knows when I’ll find the time. Whew.

And it’s only going to get crazier once I start my job next month. I’ve got a nine-month editing contract starting in late October. They’re letting me work 9-2, so I can still keep up with the mad rush of after-school activities (lucky me!) while trying to also fit in all the stuff I now do during the school day (laundry, shopping…) I know a million other moms deal with this work-life balance thing all the time, I know September is always a crazy adjustment period, and I know I’ll find a routine that works for me — eventually.

The good news is that the kids don’t seem to be nearly as stressed out as I am. They’re happy with their new teachers, they’re making new friends, and they’re eating the lunches I’m sending, so that’s all good. There was even a day last week that Brayden didn’t lose any of his stuff. I call that progress.

One day at a time, right?

Why I Love the Back-to-School Season

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I never know how to react when someone comments that the summer is flying by. The implication seems to be that precious time is slipping away and gloomier days will soon be upon us.

I don’t see it that way. I always look forward to September. And not just because the kids get out of the house for much of the day (though that is a compelling factor).

Here are my top 5 reasons for looking forward to the end of summer:

1. Routine is good. Call me anal (you wouldn’t be the first), but I actually like being busy, and knowing what’s coming next. It gives me a sense of purpose, which also leads to a sense of accomplishment. So yeah, I like routine.

2. We’re up early anyway. A lot of moms groan when they think of trying to drag sleepy kids out of bed in time to get to class. We don’t have that problem. Justin’s up with the dawn no matter what, so having something to fill the morning is always good.

3. I get to be social too. I like getting the chance to chat with other moms while we wait for the bell to ring. It helps me feel connected to a wider community. There’s more to life than Facebook.

4. Fall is my favorite season. I actually prefer it when there’s a slight chill in the air and you have to wear jeans and maybe a sweater. It’s such a cozy time of year. And I still love crunching all those gorgeous leaves.

5. I love watching my kids grow and learn. A new school year is a reminder that they’re moving on to bigger and better things. I’ve never wished I could go back a stage in parenting — it’s just too cool to see my boys growing into mature and self-sufficient beings.

So while I may be counting the days until school begins again, it’s not just because I’m anxious to kick my kids out of the house. It’s not because we haven’t had a good summer and enjoyed each other’s company. It’s because I look forward to the next stage.

And I refuse to apologize for that.

An Unsung Hero: The Stay-at-Home Mom

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As I sat watching my kids run around at a splash park the other day, it occurred to me that I’ve finally reached the Promised Land of parenting: I can just sit on the blanket and let them run wild. I don’t have to follow them around making sure they don’t drown themselves. I don’t have to remind them to wait their turn in line for the slide. I don’t even have to keep an eye out to see if one of them has to go to the bathroom. My only real function is to drive them to and from the park, and feed them snacks once in a while.

It wasn’t always like this. I remember going to that same splash park with a two-year-old and a newborn, and it was a Herculean effort to keep everyone alive and happy. For a long time I wouldn’t even go without at least one other adult with me to handle the chaos. But such trips are almost effortless now.

Not that the kids appreciate my efforts anyway. Two or three times a week they ask me if they can go to daycare. (Never mind that they’ve never had a non-family babysitter. Never mind that Mommy gave up her career to stay home and take care of them so that they wouldn’t have to spend more time with strangers than with their own parents. Never mind that Mommy is their personal chauffeur and makes a big effort to take them to the movie theatre, the splash park, the bowling alley, etc. The grass is always greener, I guess.)

Today, for instance, we did the waterslide park, went out for a nice lunch, and then toured the science centre. But will the boys ever appreciate just how good they have it?

What are the odds?

Summer Holidays: 10 Days Down, 57 to Go

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Not that I’m counting.

Actually, it hasn’t been too bad. It helps that we spent a week in Saskatoon, where there were lots of relatives to keep the kids occupied, and where the food and drink was abundant and free (thanks Mom!) It also helps that the boys are old enough that I don’t need to watch them every second. But after 10 months of having the house to myself for a big chunk of the day, it’s a little disconcerting to have the kids around 24/7. Thankfully they’re doing a gymnastics camp this week that will give me a few hours to myself in the mornings.

And I need that time. I’m plodding through the second-last course in my technical communication program, and “plodding” is definitely the best word. It’s hard to get motivated when I’ve handed in three major assignments and haven’t had feedback on any of them yet. I STILL don’t know if I even passed the last class, and that one ended a month ago. And that @&$! instructor will also be teaching the final class. Great.

At least it’s sunny…

The Return of the Yelling Monster

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Let me first say that I have honestly changed my behavior since my no-yelling challenge. (Really. I have witnesses.) But I must confess I had an epic meltdown this morning after Justin cried, argued or screamed about almost everything.

Justin’s list of grievances:

1.  Dad forgot to share a piece of his banana with me at breakfast.

2.  Mom only gave me three warnings that it was time to turn off the iPad, and then she TURNED IT OFF. Where did that come from?

3.  Mom refused to make my bed for me.

4.  Mom made me pack my school library books just because today is my class’s library day, even though the calendar says all books must be back by May 31st and today is only May 30th.

5.  Mom announced we were going to walk to school rather than drive like we usually do. It’s Bike to Work week, not Walk to School week. Doesn’t she get it?

6.  Mom insisted I go to the bathroom before leaving the house, even though I clearly didn’t need to go and she was wasting my time and she was making me late for school and she never lets me do what I want.

7.  Mom didn’t answer when I said I didn’t want to go to school. It’s like she hears that every day. Huh.

And all before 8 a.m. Is it too early for a drink?

Catching Some Zzzz’s

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How much sleep do kids need?

I know that isn’t the right question. The real question is: how much sleep do my kids need? And the answer seems to be: a lot less than I’d like.

I’ve accepted the fact that Justin likes to get up early. Most of the men (though not the women) in my family seem to think the day is wasted if you’re not up and about before dawn. My dad used to play 18 holes of golf before going off to his 9-to-5 job. My younger brother considers it a good night if he gets five hours of sleep. It’s in the genes.

But the flip side of getting up early used to mean going to bed early as well. Sure, Justin might be up at 5:30 a.m., but he’d usually go down by 7:30 or 8:00 at night. I could live with the early mornings if it meant I got an evening to myself.

But he’s eight now. And he’s just not tired at 8:00 anymore. No matter what time we put him to bed, he generally doesn’t fall asleep until 9. Which, coincidentally, is roughly the same time I go to bed. And he wakes up at 6. Which is also when I get up.

(sob)

I always knew the time would come when my kids would keep longer hours than me. And it’s not like they’re toddlers who need Mom to tend to their needs. But I’m mourning the days when I could put them to bed and get on with an adult-only evening. When I could open a bag of chips without having to share. Or watch a non-animated TV show without worrying about who was peeking around the corner.

They’re growing up. Dang it.

Testing the Limits

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The “official” no-yelling challenge may be over, but there’s still the daily challenge of dealing with life’s frustrations. One of the first things you’re supposed to do on the Orange Rhino program is identify the triggers that make you want to yell. I discovered a few of mine today:

When I have to repeat myself repeatedly. Sometimes it’s my fault for not speaking clearly enough; sometimes they’re just not listening. But either way, having to say the same thing two or three or four times really irks me.

When the kids lose things at school. Three of Justin’s water bottles went astray this week alone. We’ve lost gloves, jackets, lunch bowls, and in one case an entire change of clothes (don’t ask). At one point we were doing a daily trip to the lost and found. Argh.

When the kids make a mess in the bathroom. I live with boys. Enough said.

These things all tested my resolve today, but I did manage to hold it together (clenching your teeth and cursing under your breath don’t count, right?) I think I need the pressure of public scrutiny to keep me on track, though, so I might keep blogging about my progress. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride…